will&disgrace

Aug 18

I love how tiny the Sophia is!

Aug 12

Jayne Mansfield, Berlin 1961. Va va va voom.

Aug 9

I’m putting this here so I don’t lose the screenshot when I finally figure out what to do with it. It’s so classic Gary. As much as I hate Amber’s incessant rage blackouts, his sad fat man whining grates my nerves even more so. And the fact that he picks up single moms at Wal-Mart? Tackola.

PS: If I could blog exclusively about Teen Mom, I think I would.

- Disgrace

Apr 22

The Cake Jar is the most obese thing ever.

“Great for birthday parties, corporate gifts, personal gifts, babysitters after date night, wedding favors, bar and bat mitzvahs, easy for travel.”

- Disgrace

Apr 16

Would you sexually harrass this?

Heidi

First she was going to be a pop star. That didn’t work. Then, she was moving to South America. Right after, Costa Rica issued a statement that it would no longer import anything from the U.S. Now, she’s suing the creator The Hills and The City for sessual harrasment. Heidi Montag (a.k.a. Jocelyn Wildenstein 2.0) says that she’s going to bring a lawsuit against Adam DiVello for caressing her booty during a photo shoot. MTV and Adam are denying the allegations the rest of The Hills bitches are lashing out against Heidi.

In Adam’s defense, if it did happen, it’s quite possible that it was just a misunderstanding. Since Heidi can no longer express emotion, maybe she wasn’t able to shoot Adam the stank face when he grabbed her. Also, it’s unclear which butt he grabbed. Was it the one on her backside or the one on her chest? If it was her butt-chest, Adam probably just mistook it for the lunchtime fruit plate.

— Will

Apr 15

No. No. And No.

Kathy

Let’s get one thing clear right off the bat: I love me some Kathy Griffin. My Life On The D-List: Faaaaaaantastic. Straight To Hell: Hiiiiiighlarious. But under no circumstances do I need to see this bitch get a Pap smear. That’s what she’s planning though. Kathy will tape herself undergoing the cervical cancer screening test and air it on her hit Bravo TV show.

In order to prepare, Kathy had her lady parts vajazzled. “So now I have rows of crystals between my navel and my hoo-ha,” she said. Apparently, Kathy’s gyno is some gay with tunnel vision who’s in desperate need of a landing strip. Just follow the jewels Eduardo. Follow the jewels.

— Will

Has LiLo been stealing Brit Brit’s Cheetos?

Instead of attending her scheduled court deposition yesterday, Lindsay Lohan decided she’d rather go shopping. So, she threw one of Mo’Nique’s old tie dye doo-rags over a pair of black cut-offs and charged up a storm on her California State Department of Labor Direct Payment Chase debit card. My first thought was, “Atta girl.” But then I noticed it looked as though LiLo had put on some serious lbs.

Truthfully, the girl looks good with a little meat on her bones — but she needs to put down the snacks and pick up a bottle of Dexatrim stat. Otherwise she could wind up looking like this.

It’s a slippery slope Linds.

— Will

“Jon & Kate Set Up Cruel Yule Foolery”

I guess this should come as no surprise, but the New York Post is reporting that Jon and Kate Gosselin stage a fake Christmas in order to get a “genuine” reaction out of their kids for Jon & Kate Plus 8. (You know, because there was no way that the TLC crew was going to be willing to work on the real Christmas.) After they’d gotten the footage needed, Jon and Kate canceled Christmas, confusing the kids. How twisted and evil is that?

Side note: The Gosselin kids scare the shit out of me because I know they’re all going to grow up to be serial killers. That’s eight serial killers! Practically a gang!

— Disgrace

Move Ovah Mary J.

SuBo

If I could be a fly on any wall in the world, I would undoubtedly choose the one in the recording studio where Snoop Dogg and Susan Boyle are set to record their duet. This is poised to be the greatest musical collaboration since Rodgers met Hammerstein — I’m seriously frothing at the mouth for this joint to hit iTunes. The only thing that could possibly make it better is if SuBo and Snoop film a video similar to Mimi and Ol’ Dirty Bastard’s Fantasy remix. SuBo writhing seductively out of the moonroof of a Hummer? Sign me UP!

Since no details have been released yet, I can only make some educated and informed guesses. Here, some possible (and, I think, completely plausible) titles for their track:

Nuthin’ But a “B” Thang

Me So Corny

Thump (There She Is)

Sue Wop (That Thing)

— Will

Apr 14

Happy Birthday, “In Living Color”

ILC

I used to love watching In Living Color when I was a kid. I snorted Sprite up my nose every time Vera de Milo came on the screen. It’s hard to believe that some of the most important, artistic performers of our generation — the Wayans Brothers, Jamie Foxx, Jennifer Lopez — got their start right on In Living Color. Seriously, there should be an Oscar category solely devoted to the best performance of the year by an In Living Color alumnus. Mo’ Money would have swept the category in 1992.

All kidding aside, ILC did bring us some memorable (and pretty funny) characters. I’m actually quite surprised it isn’t still on the air. Don’t give me the eye roll. When was the last time Saturday Night Live was funny or relevant? Hand that bitch over to Tyler Perry and ILC could be resurrected bigger and better than ever. I would definitely watch a full hour of Madea skits.

Anyways, read on for my ode to some of the best ILC characters.